I didn't really see myself blogging again after the fiasco after the crash. Everyone getting spread here and there. The feel of the community disappearing. I forgot that I started over here to be honest. The first time in I don't know how many months I've looked at this place. Looking back I was taking some great pictures. Well at least documenting. Since then it's been a wicked roller coaster. An inferno to say the least. I don't make a habit of burning bridges. I might cross and not look back, occasionally a bridge gets torched here or there. The last few months has been an inferno. Not just burning a bridge but burning towns, cities and years of work to create and establish. Now I'm standing in the ashes. It's been ....6 weeks and I don't really have a solution other than I've been scrambling. Fighting stress, anxiety and the emotional breakdown that comes with it. Followed up by a support system that is there but miles away. It's a bit ironic. I started my very first blog to find lucidity, and help cut out an inner cancer that was plaguing me. Now I've come back with a larger battle than I've ever had to fight. I'm back at ground zero. I'm starting from scratch and building the foundation. I guess the advantage is I have the knowledge of what to do right this time and how to get things done faster and stronger.
The emotional fight is pretty harsh. Some days I'm good, and on my good days stand back, I can move mountains and the impossible is nothing. On my bad days, it's over whelming and I'm practically immobilized. I need to remember every day to fight. To not give up. I've had to reevaluate my own personal definition of failure. Failure is no longer not succeeding what I set out to do that day. Failure is now not trying. Every day is littered with rejection, denial and dead ends. Failure is not trying, then is it cataclysmic. Each day is a new day and another chance to start over. To try again. It only takes one phone call, one email or one text message to change the world.
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I heart you, hon.
ReplyDeleteThings will be okay as long as you keep repeating that last paragraph to yourself. I'm sorry I haven't been around enough. :o(
Maybe taking up blogging again will help you get through this - you need an outlet. You also should go looking for your inspiration in photography again, during the in-between times if you are feeling down and have nothing to do - pick up a book, do some research, or take some pictures. I think it will help!
ReplyDeleteI posted this on Twitter yesterday - don't know if you saw it:
"When the world says, 'Give up,' Hope whispers, 'Try it one more time.' " ~Author Unknown
I so miss that feel of community we had with JS. If anything I wish I could turn back the clock to before the crash and.... well I don't know what I could or would do (well maybe make sure MY blog was backed up so I didn't lose it) but well, I would have tried to do something I guess.
ReplyDeleteJust keep putting one foot in front of the other. Just like you said.... every day is a new day and a chance to start over. You'll get it right eventually. (((hugs)))
I know what you mean. It's hard to find yourself when you no longer know what 'you' is, what your properties are, what shape you're supposed to take, the space that you're meant to cater for and fill.
ReplyDeleteI can't really say enough to express how much I get all of this, but hopefully you know that you're not alone in it, despite often feeling to the contrary.
Keep writing anyway and in spite of it all. You and your writing are missed muchly..
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